Happiness. Why is it so scary?
I had a discussion with my best friend the other day. Everything in her life is just going really well. Of course, there will always be small things on a day to day basis that trip us up. So, we cry a little, maybe scream, and on occasion, we'll throw a thing or two. But those small things generally don't send us into spiralling depression, right? So other than those minor issues, my friend is on a real winning streak. She got a new car, she is hitting a peak in creativity in developing her own business, and she's growing immensely in God. Everything is awesome. But... Of course, that word would creep into her mind. But something bad always happens, right? But things can't go well for long. But this. But that. I asked her why she had to assume the worse, and she had no answer. I told her to let herself be happy, that good things in our lives aren't always a prelude to disaster.
I thought about what I told her and realized that I don't apply the same philosophy to my life. I always, always, always assume the worst. The thing is that I base a lot of my conclusions and assumptions on experience. Just as I learned to believe in gravity by throwing a ball into the air and watching it fall, I've learned that happiness is temporary by my experience of it. I equate it to temperature. It is so affected by everything around it that it is constantly going up and down, constantly altering based on environmental stimuli. Happiness is so inconsistent. It changes with everything I do, hear, see, or experience. And that scares me. You can't rely on something that could be different in the next second.
Right now, everything is perfect. I have a great guy (and yes, it's the one from the previous blog). I am following my dreams. I have amazing friends at college and at home. For the first time in my life, I have more "up" days than "down" days; I laugh more than I cry; and I am thankful more than I complain. So, why does that terrify me? Because of what I said before. Is something bad bound to happen? Can I rely on this newfound happiness? As I asked myself these questions, I was led to ask another of myself: since when do I ever rely on emotions to get me through life?
It's so simple, and it finally clicked. I am a feeler. By that I mean that I feel emotions (not people) very strongly. When I'm sad, I'm really more depressed. Get me some tissues, and keep me away from sharp objects. When I'm angry, I'm pretty much ready to start my career as an assassin, and you better not be the first person that I see. When I'm excited, I sound like a cheerleader, a chihuahua, and and a group of prepubescent middle school girls at a Justin Bieber concert all rolled into one person. So, when I'm happy, I'm happy to the extreme. That means that everytime my circumstances change, so do moods. They go from one extreme to another, never staying anywhere for long. The only thing that I can rely on my emotions to be is unreliable. Happiness is scary, because we can't rely on it.
So then what do I rely on? What can keep me balanced no matter what happens in my life? Call me cheesy or holier-than-thou, but my answer to that question will always be God. God is my constant. God is my balance. God is my consistency.
Last Sunday, we heard a sermon on joy. We won't always be happy, but we can always have the joy that God gives to us through faith in Him and through following His Word. So, when this happiness turns into sadness or anger or fear or even if it remains, I can still find joy in life. This is a fairly foreign concept to me. So, I looked up the word. I found two definitions that struck me.
1. A source of satisfaction
In this case, joy is a thing. God not only gives us joy, but He is that joy. You can find happiness in a lot of things. I personally find it in music, chocolate, and Pretty Little Liars. Yet, these things don't satisfy all of my needs. Joy, however, is satisfaction, and that means complete fulfillment. But you can only find joy and that fulfillment in God, because He is the only source of joy. The joy of the Lord is my strength. Not the joy of anything else.
2. A cause of delight
A joy is something that causes us delight, and Psalm 37:4 tells us to delight in the Lord. Where are we to turn for our delight, for our joy? The Bible is very clear. We are to turn to God to find it, further proof that God is our source and not anything else.
Now, I say these things with one caution. I am not saying that we should rely on joy to sustain us. Joy is an emotion. And we've learned that emotions are unreliable. What I am saying is that God is who sustains us. He is our source, and joy is a result of His presence in our lives. It is reliance in Him that will give us a consistent joy. It doesn't say joy is my strength. It says that the joy of the Lord is my strength. We must always go to Him as our source. In fact, when we do that, we get even more benefits. The Bible talks about love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance as being the fruits evident in our lives when we have the Spirit of God in us. Isn't that exciting?!
What am I getting at? I'm glad you asked!
Point #1: Emotions are unreliable.
Point #2: We must rely fully on God for everything.
Point #3: Joy and the presence of the other fruits is a direct result of reliance on God.
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